Why so downcast O my soul? - Olivia Jackson

“Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me?Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.”
Psalm 42:5

I’m up in the middle of the night again tonight. The storm outside woke me up, but waking in the night has not been uncommon for me recently. During the day, I am prone to shut off my brain to my emotions and focus on the immediate needs around me. “What should I cook for dinner?” “Who needs help with online learning?” “Did I respond to that email?” “Did I remember to switch the laundry?” 

But at night it’s just me and my thoughts. Sometimes being awake at night is refreshing introvert time. I can process the gifts of the day in quietness. But more regularly nighttime wakefulness brings unprocessed burdens into the forefront.

Recently, Psalm 42:5 is a verse that God has brought to mind to help me stop the spinning. The Psalmist begins with the question, “Why are you cast down O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me?” In other words, “What emotion is causing my heart to churn?” “What happened that has rocked the boat of my once peaceful heart?” In our busyness, many of us do not take the time to take a deep breath and consider what we are feeling. 

Pausing to identify our emotions and the situation that led us to feel this way is a helpful first step. But as good and helpful as this can be, the Psalmist does not stop there. He calls his heart to “hope in God”. 

What does it practically look like to “hope in God” when our hearts are burdened? Often our emotions point us to places where we feel powerless, unwise, and limited in our abilities. We are weighed down as we realize our frailty.

Putting my hope in God means acknowledging all the places where “I am not” and lifting my gaze to see that “He is”. I am not all powerful. I cannot control the people around me or bring an end to the suffering in this world. Even if I could, are the ways I would change people and circumstances truly righteous? When I try to be like God I become controlling of those I love the most. Worry overwhelms me. I become discouraged. 

Seeing God for who he is in light of who I am not, lifts my gaze to him and engages my heart in worship. As I consider the Scriptures, I remember that He created life with a breath, can calm the storm with a word, can heal the sick with a touch. He alone brings change to the most hardened heart, even my own. The amazing gift I have when I realize “I am not” is that I can press into the grace of the One who is.

Jen Wilkin says “The truth of God’s limitless power would be absolutely terrifying were it not paired with the truth of his limitless goodness.” The Psalmist in faith says, God is “My salvation” and “My God.” God does not stay removed from us in his greatness but in unfathomable love enters into our anxious churning. He sees our struggle and draws near with help and comfort. 

In my sleepless nights in the middle of the storm I am not merely throwing my prayer requests into the air. I am bringing my burdened heart to my Savior and my God, the God who is even when I am all too aware that I am not.